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Things I Could Care Less About

September 16, 2018 By Christine Field

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Getting older has been a freeing time for me. I am freer to be myself and I am freed from some things that used to control me.

freedom of midlife

Because some things are worthy of your attention and concern. Others are not. Spending too much mental energy on the wrong things can move you further away from happiness and contentment. Making these things a priority isn’t just a waste of time. It creates unnecessary challenges in life.

Do you spend your time caring about the things that can make a positive difference? Are you sure? Let’s find out!

Most people care too much about these things:

1. The opinions of others. Do you choose clothes you like or clothes that you think others like? When you chose your last car, did you consider how others would judge you if you drive around in that car? Worrying about the opinions of others can make you miserable and cause you to do and say things that don’t match your values.

When I reflect on when I was younger, I see there were many instances where I tried to hard to please others. I spent too much time trying to fit into the definition of who others thought I should be. No more. And that is liberating!

2. Possessions. There’s nothing wrong with possessions, but it can be a problem when they become an obsession. You’ll never be happy just because you got a nicer car or a bigger house. Have all the possessions you like but avoid making them a priority in your life.
In addition, at this stage in life, many of us are focusing on downsizing, not acquisition. For every item you think about buying, consider whether that item will still be wanted or useful in a couple of years. Probably not.

3. Wealth. Have all the money you like too but avoid making it the most important thing in your life. Pursuing wealth at any cost is a recipe for misery and disaster. Having more money than you need doesn’t really do a whole lot for you.
With young adult children, we have many discussions about money and time. It seems life is a constant balance between the two. If you want a lot of wealth, you will sacrifice free time. If you want a lot of free time, you will less likely have wealth. You have to find the balance that you can live with.

4. The past. It’s done. It’s over. Sure, maybe you messed up. You did and said things you wish you hadn’t. You wasted golden opportunities. It’s just horrible. Join the club. The past is riddled with pain and disappointment. Examine it and learn from it. Make amends where you can. Then push on. There’s a whole life waiting for you.

5. Failure. Caring too much about failure will keep you stuck in a job or relationship that you don’t like. It will prevent you from doing the things you really want to do. It’s a trick that your ego is playing on you. Use the logical part of your brain and overrule this mentality. If you fear failure, you avoid success and happiness.

6. Society’s values. It might be true that a 3-bedroom ranch, a pleasant spouse, two kids, and 9-to-5 is the right path for some, and maybe even most. It doesn’t mean that it’s the right path for you.

● If you want to impress those around you, you might be tempted to follow this basic recipe for life. You might even choose it because you don’t have the courage to choose something else.

● Choose your own path. Otherwise you’ll be stuck with what society wants for you. Be more than just a cog in the machine.

7. Shortcomings. Why worry about them? Fix the ones that can be fixed and forget about the ones you can’t. What other choice do you have? You’re already good enough to do just about anything you want to do. Just get busy doing it instead of looking for an excuse.

Is your attention focused on the right things? Are you too worried about impressing others or acquiring a mansion? Do you care about failure?

There’s only so much time available each day and over a lifetime. By releasing your concern for these things, you’re giving yourself freedom and the room to be happy.

As the days ahead loom fewer than the days behind, it’s a good idea to settle how you will savor them. Do it on your own terms, not someone else’s.

Filed Under: Adventure, Confidence, Embracing change, Happiness, Trying new things Tagged With: freedom of midlife, midlife happiness, midlife women

Previous Post: « 3 Easy Steps to be Badass in Midlife
Next Post: My Prayer Bowl – one year later »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Janet Mary Cobb

    September 18, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    Amen! I totally agree with everything you said – so clearly and concisely!

  2. Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au

    September 19, 2018 at 5:04 am

    It’s amazing the amount of time and head space I’ve given to a lot of these and now it’s finally dawned on me what a waste of time it’s been in the most part. Trying to fit in with the expectations of other people or society in general, worrying about past mistakes, brooding over perceived hurts, being anxious about money or the future – all such a waste and I’m not doing it any more if I can possibly help it! It’s a great feeling to just get on with enjoying life.
    #MLSTL and I’ve shared this on my SM xx

  3. Amy

    September 19, 2018 at 8:38 am

    This is so spot on! I couldn’t agree more. I just wish we could all learn these lessons earlier in life.

  4. Michele

    September 19, 2018 at 11:30 am

    I know at one time or another I worried about all of the above things. it is interesting how age gives us perspective. I have let go of most of these worries most of the time. It is amazing what happens when you stop worrying about what other people think and what you have done or could do and just allow yourself to be yourself!

  5. Agnes

    September 19, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    I think I was guilty of just about everything on your list… when I was younger. It’s so freeing now to keep life in perspective and know the important things aren’t things! Good reminder of the life I don’t want to go back to! #mlstl

  6. Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond

    September 19, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    I love this Victoria because I’ve been feeling this way for some time. When I was younger, it was so important to me to fit in and be liked by others. The pressure was on to marry, have children and buy a home. In reality possessions aren’t that important and we are all individuals who should be able to follow the beat of their own drum. Thank you for putting into words what many of us are thinking in Midlife & Beyond and great advice for the younger generation. #MLSTL. I’m pinning and sharing. xx

  7. Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond

    September 19, 2018 at 4:13 pm

    P.S. Sorry I called you Victoria – I’m not sure where my head is today 🙂

    • Christine Field

      September 19, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      It’s a lovely name!

  8. Kalpana

    September 21, 2018 at 2:06 am

    You’ve put it all down so well – these are exactly the reminders we need. It’s so true that I’m downsizing and loving it also how freeing midlife is.

  9. Molly

    September 22, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    The constant quandary in our house is time vs money. We never seem to think we have enough of either. But I’m not sure that is a true statement. That is scarcity mentality which prevents me from living life to its fullest. I still struggle, but I’m learning to be grateful for what I have and develop an abundant mentality 🙂

  10. Suzanne

    September 25, 2018 at 8:02 am

    I completely agree with your assessment of things to care less about. I shed most of that baggage when we entered retirement and watched our daughter begin to build a career for herself. I admit spending too much time worrying about the opinions of others (sometimes still do) and trying to live up to expectations (motherhood is brutal), but I will never regret the years of hard work, and accumulation. That time was less about “stuff” and “lifestyle” and more about creating opportunities for all of us. Whatever brought me here, it feels great to “care less” and live life on my own terms.

    • Christine Field

      September 26, 2018 at 6:10 am

      It’s time to fill up life with NEW things to care about and invest with or energy and passion!

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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