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How to Let Go of a Hurtful Past

November 4, 2018 By Christine Field

This post may contain affiliate links.

You probably have a lot of good memories you cherish, but there are also things in the past that should stay in the past. Sometimes we can have trouble moving forward. Here are some ideas to free yourself from a painful past.

letting go

  1. Focus on the now

There’s a reason why the past is called the “past.” It means there’s no going back. You can’t turn back the clock no matter how bad you want it. It’s just impossible. If you want to free yourself from the past, then you’ve got to put everything behind you and focus on what you have in your life right this very moment.

When I was quite young, I read a Dale Carnegie book – I don’t remember which one – and he talked about living in “day tight compartments.” He said each day presented sufficient challenges and if we could just stay focused on the day, we would decrease worry and increase happiness.

I learned to do that! Sometime I am so focused on the moment and the day that I don’t think far enough ahead! But it has served me well to worry less and enjoy today as much as possible.

  1. Make new memories

Sometimes the best way to go about replacing bad memories is by making new ones. Think of something that will truly be memorable for you, something that will make you smile many years from now.

Take holidays for example. I used to be too fixated on how they used to be. I spent too much energy on trying to do things the way they were done when I was a kid.

I slowly learned that creating new memories was so much more rewarding!

  1. Try something new

Exploring new territories and new experiences will certainly help you focus on the ‘now.’ When you’re doing something new, and you’re still learning the ropes, you often have to be aware of what you’re doing so you don’t do something foolish (this is especially important if you’re doing something risky).

Going to a new group or taking a new class can seem awkward. You worry you’ll feel out of place. Instead, try going with an open mind and a spirit of expectancy – what can I learn here, what new experience can I have?

  1. Learn to forgive

Forgiveness is often key to letting go of a hurtful past. Some may say ‘forgive and forget,’ but forgetting isn’t always helpful. Let your bad experience teach you. Remembering the bad things that happened in the past can help you avoid similar situations in the future.

You can and should forgive, but that doesn’t mean you should forget. Remembering how you were hurt, with forgiveness, will help you avoid being hurt in the future.

  1. Express yourself

Bottling up your negative emotions can be harmful. So, it’s best if you can express yourself in a manner that will help you ‘exorcise’ your demons. Write about it in a journal, write a song about it, paint your emotions, or whatever works for you! You’ll feel much better after.

There are support groups available for just about any malady. This can be a good place to deal with negative emotions. Of course, there is nothing like some good therapy to really help you deal with things. If you need it – get it.

  1. Just let it go

Sometimes, there’s really no point in rehashing things that have happened a long time ago. You have to make a conscious decision to let go and finally put a stop to your self-pity or self-hate or whatever negative emotion your past brings out in you.

 

Like you, I have had many bad things happen in my life. I have determined, however, to be grateful for them – to appreciate the lessons they have taught me, to acknowledge how they have grown my heart and my mind, and to have a greater appreciation for all the good things that have happened in my life as well.

 

What about you? Are you dealing with a hurtful past? What are some ways you can move forward with greater happiness and peace?

 

 

 

Filed Under: Embracing change, Gratitude, Happiness Tagged With: hurtful past, letting go, letting go of a hurtful past

Previous Post: « Developing an Attitude of Gratitude
Next Post: On the Brink »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Christina Daggett

    November 5, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    I’m definitely trying to move forward from the past. Traveling continuously, and making new memories helps. My mom dis-owned me a few years back, and though I don’t know the reasons why, I have forgiven her, and moved on. Thanks Christine for a very helpful post.

  2. Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond

    November 7, 2018 at 12:33 am

    Hi Christine, thank you for sharing some valulable tools to overcome and let go of hurt from our past. We all have something in our cupboard that is just so hard to get over, however, we can’t change it so we might as well get on with living our life. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us at #MLSTL and have a beautiful week. xx

  3. Amy

    November 7, 2018 at 10:13 am

    Beautiful post and great advice. Letting go of a hurtful past is so hard for people, especially the forgiveness part. TFS. Visiting from MSTL.

  4. Pat

    November 7, 2018 at 10:23 am

    Great ideas to help let go of past hurts. I am working on releasing resentment and this was a great reminder of how-to do that.

  5. Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au

    November 8, 2018 at 12:24 am

    Hi Christine – this was such a helpful post for those of us who struggle with worry and re-hashing past hurts. I’m a work in progress and I use many of the techniques you’ve suggested. I think living in the day and replacing old memories with new positive ones are both really useful to me. You can’t change the past, but you can certainly work towards a happy present and future.
    MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂

  6. Christie Hawkes

    November 9, 2018 at 7:08 am

    Hello Christine. Thank you for this important reminder. As others have said, we all have things in our past that we’d like to leave in our past. For the most part, I have been able to do so, using several of the tools you mentioned. I like to write out my feelings or as appropriate, talk them out with someone. Music can also be very healing. I too remind myself that all of my experiences have made me who I am today. That’s not such a bad thing. Enjoy your day–making new memories! #MLSTL

  7. Denyse Whelan

    November 10, 2018 at 2:01 am

    Ah yes those lessons we learn from the hard things. I so understand this and am actually grateful now for getting through despite what a hard and emotional time some of this was for me. Great post! Denyse #mlstl

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

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After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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