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The Gift of Challenges

January 23, 2015 By Christine Field

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Like you, I love my children.  It’s not just love love.  It’s the kind of love that would make me throw myself in front of a truck if I could save one of my kiddos from pain.   The gift of challenges

We didn’t become a family easily.  Our resume includes infertility, miscarriage, adoption, failed adoption and international adoption.  Oh, and we have a biological child as well.

When you have to jump through hoops to become a parent, it makes your gratitude level soar.  It might also make you a bit over-protective.  It probably did for me.

Can’t really blame myself for that though.  Most people begin a family by having a (hopefully) pleasant physical encounter.  I started a family by being fingerprinted and having a background check.  New babies for many parents involve a trip to the hospital.  While I have made that trip, I have also made a few trips to the airport.  It’s just different.

When those precious bundles grow up and manifest as the grown-up version of the sinners we all are, it’s shocking!  How could my prayed-for, sacrificed-for, much-celebrated child turn out to have some of the challenges of any other young adult, or maybe some super challenges in addition?  This is not how I thought my kids would turn out!

Uttering those words takes me back to when my oldest was a young teen.  She was sweet on a little boy at church.  A few years into the sweetness, they became more interested in one another.  The mom of the boy spoke to me once and said, “This was not what I had planned for my son.”

I can’t begin to tell you how furious I was!  My daughter was a delight  Her son was a good kid too.  How could she make such a pretentious, rude comment?  My sinful self wanted to punch her in the face.

Yet, I find myself sometimes echoing a similar lament: This is not how I thought my kids would turn out.

What does this really mean?

As I pray about it, the Lord reveals to me (once again) the absurdity of my thinking that I am in charge of anything!  Just like the mom whose son’s life was being sculpted by her alone, I fell into the same trap.  With all my investing, cultivating, loving, teaching, training and praying, surely my kids wouldn’t have problems.

In the end, it has very little to do with me.  It has more to do with how the Lord wants to work through me.

He chose me to be the parent of children with certain issues.  He had confidence that I would (through earnestly seeking Him) do the best I could to raise them.  He asked me to trust Him with the rest.

It isn’t easy.  Most days I feel both blessed and burdened.

But every day I am grateful.  Through these life experiences, He has forced me to grow in Him and lean on Him.  He has allowed my really horrible flaws to come out as well as my real strengths.  There is a fullness and steadiness to life that would not be there if I did not have the privilege of being a parent.

And so when a mama tells me about her child’s struggles, I can say, “Ah yes. I understand. Can I encourage you in this?”

What a gift.

Filed Under: Creativity and Spirituality, Faith, Parenting, Relationships Tagged With: Christian suffering, God and suffering, Jesus is God, parenting difficult children, parents and pain, the gift of suffering, Why does God allow suffering, Why is there suffering

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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