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5 things NOT to say to a mom in pain

April 22, 2015 By Christine Field

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Sometimes people don’t know what to say to you when your family life is in chaos.  For a period of time in my parenting, my life was a mess.  We faced family illnesses and kid problems that we would have never imagined.  With God’s help, I’m still standing.

I have a few close friends who walked beside me through my own storms.  I also have a few judging acquaintances who uttered hurtful things in the midst of my challenges.

Here are some things NOT to say to a mom in a storm:                             moms-in-pain

 

 

  • “You’re wasting a lot of energy on your pain.”

Real pain can consume me.  It will eventually pass but not until it has done its work in my heart.  Pain is never without a point.  What is it that I need to learn from your current situation?    I used to be afraid of pain.  Now I know it has come to do some work in my life and bring me closer to God.  Pain is never wasted energy.

  • “After the pain, the joy will come back.”

Are pain and joy only to be experienced separate from one another?  The real challenge is to find joy IN the pain.  God’s presence in the midst of pain is a shining joy known only to the suffering.

  • “Your own past sin has caused your present pain.”

Are you kidding?  Would you ever say this to a friend?  God’s grace is for your today and, upon your repentance and salvation, covers the transgressions of your past.  Don’t let anyone tell you anything to the contrary.

  • “Your suffering is pointless.”

God does not waste pain and it shouldn’t surprise me.  1 Peter 4: 12-13 reminds us: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ.”

  • “If your God was good, He wouldn’t allow you to suffer.”

In addition to offending my faith, this statement reflects a shallow understanding of the depth of Christ’s fellowship.   Just because I love God does not mean He is obligated to rescue me from my pain.  He does something better.  He is with me in the midst of it all.  Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “He is the God who is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

 

Mom, do you feel like your life is a mess right now?  Rather than fighting and raging against the injustice of it all, recognize that God is present with you through it all.

Filed Under: Mothering, Painful parenting, Relationships Tagged With: encouragement for mom, mom pain, moms in pain, what to say to a mom in pain

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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