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Who am I when I am no longer The Mom?

May 21, 2019 By Christine Field

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Releasing your kids to adulthood is a mixed blessing. You are both proud and saddened. They are embracing maturity and that’s a good thing! Things will be different in your home, and that can be a confusing thing.

Now is the time to prepare YOURSELF for these changes. While enjoying their remaining days at home, it’s important to plan for what is to come rather than simply ignoring it. Your kids will be in gone soon. Therefore, now is the time to develop a plan to help you cope with the sadness of the new season.

Try these techniques to help you prepare yourself for an empty nest:

1. Look forward to enjoying your newfound freedom.
While your kids are enjoying their freedom in independent living, you too can rejoice in your newfound freedom away from the kids and their limiting schedules.

• You’ll be able to host dinner parties on weeknights, lounge around with your spouse without sharing the TV, take vacations during the school year, join clubs or become more active in your church community.

• This is the time to rediscover your interests. For so long, you’ve put your wants on the backburner. But now, you can fully explore your interests and find a hobby that helps you feel needed, appreciated, and offers gratification.

2. Reconnect with your spouse.
After raising the children for so many years, living alone with your spouse is something that may feel new to you again. Now is the moment to feel like newlyweds! Reconnect with one another on a deeper level than you have in the last twenty years or so.

• Every night is date night! Make something special for dinner a few times each week and then go out on the town on the weekends.

• Take the time to enjoy this milestone in your relationship. You’ve raised wonderful children together; you’ve succeeded as parents and have held a successful marriage. You’re living the American dream – have a toast to your success!

3. Plan a home improvement project.
Properly planning a home improvement project takes time. Therefore, use the few months ahead while the kids are still at home to redo their bedroom once they have moved.

• Turning their bedroom into a gym may be too much of a change. So, take baby steps. Turn their bedroom into a guest bedroom. By doing so, you can comfortably accommodate both your adult children and guests.

• Add a home office area to the bedroom so your kids can have a place to study when they come home on breaks. In addition, a simple armchair for reading, fresh paint, new linens and accessories will make for a hotel-like retreat that guests can appreciate.

• Generally, most teens won’t feel as if they’re being slighted when their childhood bedroom is given a makeover. If anything, they’ll feel better knowing that their parents are just as excited about the change.

In addition to all of the tips outlined above, plan ways to connect with your children while they’re away. Discuss how and how often will you connect. You might plan a monthly outing and a weekly phone call. Try to avoid placing too many demands on your adult child. It is unrealistic to expect a call every night!

It’s vital to remember that this is uncharted territory for everyone involved; it’s certainly a mixed bag of emotions. All you can do is to try your best to look at the bright side and all of the benefits involved for your youngster. You aren’t losing a child; you’re gaining a young adult!

Filed Under: Adult children, Confidence, Empty nest, Purpose and Passion, Reinvention, Uncategorized Tagged With: empty nest mom, no longer the mom, who is mom when kids grow up

Previous Post: « Clever Ways To Cut Costs Around The House
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyonds

    May 22, 2019 at 4:15 pm

    Hi Christine, fortunately I never really worried about the ‘Empty Nest’ as I always encouraged the children to fly. It can be difficult for some women though and your writing will certainly encourage them to see past the loss and realise that there is still a life for them to explore and enjoy. Thanks for sharing at #MLSTL and have a great week.

  2. Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au

    May 23, 2019 at 12:26 am

    I think it helps if you expect that your children are going to leave home to go to universtity/college and start planning for that in advance. So many grieving empty nesters did nothing in the lead-up to the inevitable leaving. They sit around lost and mourning their child’s childhood days instead of taking pride in having produced an independent, functioning adult who is out embracing all life has to offer.
    My advice would be to find a hobby, a part-time job, volunteer, re-connect with your husband and your friends, and build yourself a life that relishes the times the kids return but doesn’t leave you a bereft mess when they leave – kids hate seeing their parents being needy and they don’t need to carry that guilt.
    Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂

  3. Sylvia

    June 2, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Hello Christine! Great ideas for empty nesters! I grieved when the baby of 6 daughters left the nest. She was independant, and excited for university, as we were. While I do miss my girls being home, I am happy knowing I raised strong women, who are making their way in this world. And hubby and I are enjoying life after kids more than we expected. Loved your tips. Thanks for linking up with us at the #BloggingGrandmothersLinkParty 38 Sharing x3

  4. Christie Hawkes

    June 4, 2019 at 7:07 am

    I made the empty nest transition fairly easily. I’m sure it helped that my children didn’t move far and we still see them often. We love the freedom to travel and plan spur-of-the-moment activities. Of course, I do on occasion feel nostalgic for the days when their cute little faces smiled up at me. Thank you for linking up on #BloggingGrandmothersLinkParty. I have shared on social media.

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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