Celebrating divorce has become common. There are greeting cards on the shelves and theme parties.
Divorce, for most of us, was a bittersweet experience. This American Ex-Wife tells Lyz’s story and accompanies her as she unpacks the demise of her own marriage.
Lyz notes that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women – women who are “tired, fed up, exhausted, and unhappy.” The author describes one dilemma: “We are afraid of dying alone, but no one really knows lonely better than a married woman sitting next to her silent husband.”
I can relate. I was married to a man who could go for weeks without speaking to me to punish me for some infraction. I knew it was fundamentally wrong to be in a relationship filled with silence and pain.
My marriage was 33 years. The authors was 12 years. She sums up the experience with this. “I’d spent over twelve years asking for someone to give me my happiness. Finally, I stopped asking, I just took it.”
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n the end, we are responsible for our own happiness. My ex never understood this and faulted me for not “making him happy.” He was stunned when I announced to him that I was not responsible for his happiness. I could certainly contribute to it, but it was not my responsibility.
Lyz spends a substantial amount of time discussing what is a “good man.” Is it someone who is a good provider but who understands nothing about the needs and wants of the other person? She challenges so many assumptions about roles and expectations in marriage and ends on the side of concluding that men just don’t get it.
I really enjoyed this read, but found the author’s cynicism a bit depressing.
Relationships are hard. The challenge, especially, seems to be finding someone who has their shit somewhat together before embarking on a deep relationship.
Choose wisely. Then savor it.
But this is still a great read!