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Reconnected

June 10, 2013 By Christine Field

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It’s hard to not have a twinge of jealousy when your adoptive child reconnects with their birth family. Hands

In the early years, we thought of them a lot. We prayed for them and we thanked God for connecting us and for their self-less act of allowing us to raise their child.

As the years went on, I thought of them less and less. On Mother’s Day and on daughter’s birthday, I would whisper a prayer for them.

Shortly after daughter turned 18, she received a letter in the mail from her birth father. He had wanted to connect for years, but waited until she was grown and perhaps better prepared for the revelation. They met and marveled over how alike they were!

He arranged for daughter to meet her birthmother. They had remained friends over the years, but had moved on from the relationship.

Soon, they were ready for all of us to meet. I watched daughter and birthmother interact and so many things made sense. The gestures, the laugh, and the way the cheeks turned into joy when they would smile.

Daughter saw many pieces fall into place. It’s good to know who you came from.

As their relationships grew, other issues emerged that were less pleasant. But she loved them and we extended our love to them as well. I only slightly flinched the first time daughter called her “Mom”. It was odd, but it was good.

Birth father died suddenly. Daughter fell apart. Deep sobs of grief came from her. Herein was a new challenge of adoptive parenting: comforting a child upon the death of a birth parent.

Birth mother has now become ill. Daughter dropped everything to be at her side. She set aside much of her own life to make medical care arrangements for her and sat at her bedside for weeks.

I am not proud of the selfish thoughts that flashed through my mind. What are we – potted plants? I have asked God to forgive me for my selfishness.

Birth mother is in decline. If not for the loving care of daughter, propping her up against despair, she would already be gone. How could I resent that? I shook myself to my senses, then began to wonder at the grace of it all again.

Of giving, of loving, of growing, of nurturing. Then seeing that gift of love, growth and nurturing paid back to where it all started.

Life is funny. When I set aside my pettiness, I saw the perfect circle of love and grace. Despite my twinges of jealousy, daughter has become the wonderful, loving woman I prayed she would become. It makes both of her mothers proud!

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Filed Under: Child adoption, Mothering, Relationships Tagged With: adoption reunion, birth mothers, grief, jealousy, mothers, reconnection

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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