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Marriage communication help: You have to change!

July 23, 2015 By Christine Field

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Have you looked at someone in your life and uttered those words?                          Marriage communication marriage helps
Maybe it’s the spouse whose irritating ways are grating on you.
Or it’s the child whose behavior has become unmanageable.
It’s so easy to look at them and proclaim, “You need to change!”

I’m at an interesting point in marriage and parenting and are admitting we may need help with our marriage communication.  We’re getting older and the kids are nearly grown. Without the chaos and distraction of the intense season of parenting, those traits, attitudes and behaviors are re-emerging that had previously been masked by the busy-ness of everyday life.

And it ain’t always pretty!

When you aren’t surrounded by noise and emergencies, you notice that character flaw that you previously overlooked. Against a backdrop of relative calm, it seems huge.

Guess what? Your spouse is probably thinking the same thing about you!

This was brought home to me this week. My husband and I were having a “frank, marital discussion” (a phrase coined by a pastor friend) where I was pointing out something that I was dissatisfied with. It was a discussion we had numerous times about something that probably never will change.

Guess what? He pointed out a flaw of MINE! Shock!

I am an expert flaw spotter with other people. I can tell you all that’s wrong with you from a mile away when we haven’t even met.

It took the honesty of the one who knows me the best and loves me the most to point out to me that this skill is destructive and, darn it, it hurts the person who is the focus on my analysis.

So guess what? I need to change. And the thing I need to change is my penchant for telling others that they need to change.

Aging can be a wonderful time. We can see a bigger picture. We can choose to see through eyes of love and grace. We can let the people in our life off the hook for our unrealistic expectations.

Is your love for someone snagged on a sliver? Do you think, “If only they could change”?

It’s not too late to take the sliver out of your own eye.

Get serious. Do you need some help with your marriage communication?

 

 

Marriage | Focus on the Family

 

Filed Under: Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: biblical marriage counsel, communication tools for couples, good marriage advice, help for marriage problems, Help your marriage, marriage challenges, marriage counseling advice, marriage guidance, marriage helps, marriage problems help

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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