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Do I have to like my kid today?

September 11, 2011 By Christine Field

This post may contain affiliate links.

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Have you ever had these thoughts about your child?

Man, he can be such a pain!

How come he doesn’t learn like his sister did?

Wow, I’d like to get away from him today!

Do you ever have days when you just don’t like your child?
Relax.  You’re normal.  Every parent in the universe has these thoughts on occasion.
But when you have them, you feel guilty.
You think:

I’m not cut out for this parenting thing.

Things sure aren’t the way I thought they would be.

Will this always be so hard?

 

Reality is reality.  Your challenge, as a parent, is to love and guide the child in front of you.  Even when you don’t like him!  Face it – there
are plenty of days when he isn’t crazy about YOU either.

It’s not a question of liking or not liking.  It’s a commitment – a deep, heart commitment to seeing this child become the best version of him that he can be.   He’s not going to be like the kid down the street.  Is that why you’re disappointed?  If it is – get a grip.

Here’s a revelation: Parenting isn’t about your happiness.  In fact, some of what you are called to deal with can make you downright miserable.  If you thought being a parent would be all sunshine and light, you need a reality check.

It’s hard work, often disheartening, sometimes heartbreaking.
It’s what you were called to do.  You were called to parent this child, with all his quirks and foibles.  And guess what?  The only variable in this equation that you have any control over is Y – O – U.

So look carefully at your feelings when you are feeling like you don’t like your child.  Admit it and own it.  Dig a little deeper around in your psyche and find out why you feel this way.  Feelings of dislike can usually be traced to a few factors:

You might think it’s him you dislike, but it’s really his behaviors.

You might think you can change him (with superb homeschooling curriculum, great parenting techniques, blah, blah, blah.)
The reality is the only thing you can change is your attitude and approach.

You have a framed photo of this child in your mind and all around the frame are flashing lights proclaiming, “problem child, problem child”!   Disconnect those lights, take down the frame and look at your child with fresh eyes.

After you have faced the facts and looked at some of the contributing factors, what should you do next?

Play with your child, and let THEM choose how.  Entering into play, his way, on his terms is a pathway to his heart.

Work on controlling your emotions.  Learn to sever that connection in your brain that goes from his behavior …. to your
irritation … to your anger.  Put some space in your emotions and look at his behavior like an objective scientist.  When you extinguish your
immediate emotional reaction, you can begin to see what’s really going on.

 

Try saying only positive things.  Make a commitment to passing over the negative, snarky, criticism you might be used
to.  Only open your mouth when you can say something positive, even if it’s small.  “Wow, you really worked hard on that chore!”  “I saw you really trying hard with that math homework.  Awesome.”  I appreciate that you turned the computer off without a fight.”  Strung together, these positive words can be a healing balm for your child’s heart and a strengthening connection between you.

We all have days when we don’t like our child.  The one thing that doesn’t change is our love for them.  Do what you
can, examine your heart, look at your own attitudes and expectations and choose to see the wonder and delight in your child – even when he drives you crazy.

 

 

 


Filed Under: Parenting, Relationships Tagged With: behavior, changing attitude, dislike child

Previous Post: « Emptying Out
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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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