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Defined by cancer?

August 6, 2011 By Christine Field

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When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer, we began to reckon time differently.  Under more normal circumstances, we might refer to “the year Daniel was born.” Or “ the year the girls graduated high school.”  Four years ago, we began to mark time by my husband’s diagnosis and treatment.

One year was called “the year Daddy had surgery.”  The brutal summer of radiation was called “the summer of radiation,” and a recent brief respite from hormone therapy was called “the medicine holiday.”

Living with such uncertainty also affects decisions when planning for a future event or activity.  We always preface our plans with, “Let’s see how Dad is feeling then.”  Some decisions are permanently excluded because we don’t know how he will be doing.

I began to ask God if our family would now be forever defined by cancer.  In His wisdom and timing, He has shown us that we are defined by far greater things.

When each child makes a point to inquire, “How’s Dad doing today?” – We know we are a family defined by compassion.

When one of the kids or their friends mows the lawn because they know my husband is extra tired, we know we are a family defined by service to others.

When my daughter cooks dinner just because she sees we have had a hard day, we know we are a family defined by selflessness.

When one of the kids, unsolicited, gives Dad a head rub while he rests on the couch, we know we are a family defined by kindness.

When we gather as an extended family at Grandpa’s request and this 85-year-old pillar of faith insists we lock hands while he prays aloud; and when he prays for peace and healing but covers it all with a prayer of thankfulness for the privilege we have to be family; and as a few tears fall from Grandpa’s eyes as he reflects on the joy of the Lord and the joy yet to come – I know that we are a family defined by something far greater than cancer.

We are defined by love.

Filed Under: Cancer caregiving, Relationships Tagged With: affect on family, cancer, cancer wife, defining, love

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dick Cole

    August 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Every time I see a Wheaton police car I’m reminded to pray for Mark and for the family. And, yes, LOVE is the definition of family. God established that! God bless you guys.
    Dick

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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