Dealing with the loss of a close friend or family member can be one of the most difficult times for most people. When we lose a spouse, a brother, or a parent, our grief can be overwhelming. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but it does not mean for most people that they can easily overcome the shock and confusion that leads to prolonged periods of sadness or depression. Grief usually diminishes as the intensity decreases over time, but mourning is a serious and painful “test” that endures over time.
Everyone reacts differently to death and each person behaves and treats it according to their personal mechanisms. Research shows that most people can recover from a loss on their own over time if they have social support and are in a healthy environment. It may take months or time to repair the damage. There is no “normal” time period for someone to mourn. Do not expect to go through the phases of grief, as new research shows that most people do not go through the stages as progressive steps. You will need to look at all the legal issues such as their property and assets and dwelling with finances and that can be difficult to deal with. You may also want to possibly look at a will contest which will allow you to look into the deceased will and change it if possible.
Dealing with the personal finances may mean that you also have to save money. Having money set aside for any type of added extras you may need to pay out for. Sometimes you may even need to pay for certain types of therapy to help your mourning subside. Mourning counselling is not always cheap but can assist with a number of things.
The goals of mourning counseling include:
- The description of normal mourning and the encouragement of the mourner to accept the loss by discussing it.
- Helping the bereaved person to recognize and express the feelings associated with loss (for example, anger, guilt, anxiety, despair and sadness).
- Helping the bereaved person to distance themselves emotionally from the deceased in order to make independent decisions.
- The description of the differences in mourning between individuals.
- Providing ongoing support.
- Providing support on important occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries.
- Identify the grieving person’s problems and make recommendations for professional help, if necessary.
How can you find your balance?
The emotional burden you experience, both recent and past losses, makes you vulnerable to similar disorders. Of course, you must first be able to share the burden of caring for your father with others (siblings, other relatives). This will give you space to deal with both your responsibilities to your children and yourself. In addition, you should, perhaps with the help of a psychologist, consider the issue of your difficulty in coming up with the priorities you need to address.
Although you cannot prepare for the tribulations and legalities, it’s important to know that there is always assistance when you need it.
