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Considering Child Adoption?

May 13, 2015 By Christine Field

This post may contain affiliate links.

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Are you considering child adoption as a way to begin or add to your family?

Adopters are risk takers. The process of child adoption does not guarantee a child, much less a perfect child or a perfect family life.  Life holds no such guarantees, either for birth parents or adoptive parents.  Yet birth parents seem more willing to accept a less than ideal child.  “He gets that annoying habit from Uncle Charlie,” they might say to console themselves.  It is easier to accept a difficult child who shares your biological heritage, it seems. “That’s just the way we are in this family,” I have heard parents comment.

That is why it is so crucial to examine your motivation at the outset.  The process of child adoption as well is the process of parenting an adopted child is not for everyone.  It is best to sort out the fantasy from the reality of both.

Your adopted child may not be perfect.  He will have flaws and habits that drive you to distraction, and so do biological children.  You have to be ready to accept everything about their child before you can fully accept him into your heart.  Your love for him cannot in any way be inferior to your love for a biological child.  He cannot be allowed to feel he is in any way second-best.

Each child is unique and a special gift from God.  One of my children is biological and the others are adopted.  They each have their individual personalities.  Seeing those personalities unfold is one of the joys of parenting.  We have the privilege of having a bird’s eye view of their blossoming.

It would be accurate to say that I loved the “idea” of each of my children before I loved them. I fantasized about how each of them would look at how each of them would act.  They all surprised me and they all at times make it difficult to love them.  But the love that comes from the commitment to parent is part of the process of caring for a child, getting to know a child, and sharing your life with a child. Our feelings about our children may change from minute to minute, along with their mercurial blossoming personalities, but our unconditional love for them cannot waver.

A child adoption decision tree

Is adoption for you?  I read an interesting statistic that said it’s usually about a year from the time a couple begins discussing adoption to making it first phone call.   You have nothing to lose by gathering information and praying for God’s will for your life.  What follows is a matrix for you and your spouse to assess where you fall in the decision-making process for child adoption.

 

Child Adoption Decision Matrix For further information on this subject, check out my book – Should You Adopt

Filed Under: Child adoption, Relationships Tagged With: Adoption, adoption where do I start, child adoption, child adoption process, should you adopt

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Hi, I’m Christine

Have you been a wholehearted mother, but time, toddlers and teenagers have moved on? If you are wondering what comes next for you, you’ll feel right at home here.

Or, are you a mom for whom family life has been non-Pinworthy and parenting has been downright painful? I hear ya. There are many of us around.

Are you looking for a life full of exploration and adventure after the nest empties, but maybe you have no idea how to go about doing that? Stick around! We’ll explore adventures together to help you gain more clarity for your own path.

After a couple decades of writing books and articles about parenting, homeschooling and adoption, speaking to homeschoolers and other parent groups, and reaching out to the mom in the trenches who was trying to make the best of it - my kids grew up. Some grew up and grew away. I was determined to find a way out of the pain, emptiness and lack of direction.

For many of us, the journey starts with something we moms are not accustomed to. After years of caring for and serving others, sometimes we forget the beauty and wonder of US. We need to spend some time getting to know the parts of ourselves that have lain dormant, and take the time to explore interests and passions that we set aside.

I’d like to invite you to get the “What’s Next for Mom” workbook and jump into this growing tribe of Moms who are emptying the nest and filling the life! Let’s reignite your Mojo after Mothering!
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About Christine

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At Real Mom Life, my passion is to provide resources and reassurances for moms facing the surprising challenges of family life. In my writing and speaking, I explore solutions to unexpected issues in adoption, homeschooling, special needs, and more while encouraging moms to extract the maximum joy out of each day. Read More…

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